Sponged Bob Splooge Pants
by Happy Dickfart
Summary: The chronic masturbatory tale of a Sponge and the square he keeps tucked away in his pants.


Sponged Bob Splooge Pants, by Dickfart

Twas a dark and lonely night in Bikini Bottom, as are most nights for chronic masturbater Spang Bab Jizz Pants. Like the rest of him, he had a rectangle dick that popped out of his full frontal spongehole like a friendly turtle head. It even had a smile. Every night he gave it a tug, a jerk, a twist, and a squeeze, and all the suds came spilling out onto the floor. Once that was done, he took out his trusty mop and mopped the bathroom floor with his essence.

"It's so sparkly clean, Porkchop," said Spongeboob.

"..." said the dead dog floating above his sink.

"Meow," said Gary, which in snailcat translates to "I told you not to get a fucking dog, you stupid spongetwat."

"OK, Gary. I understand. I'll go fill your food bowl," said Spongleblob, dumping fermented turd paste into Gary's food bowl. Some of the brown mess dripped onto the nice, clean floor, and the natural response for a spnge to have was "welp, time to masturbate again!" so he whipped out his swiss cheese brick and he gave it a tug, a jerk, a twist, and a squeeze, and all the suds came spilling out onto the floor.

"I'M READY!" said Spoongbab, mopping the kitchen floor in his Dawn Dishsoap Dickcheese. It was sparkly clean and ready for guests.

"I feel so bad for residents of Bikini Bottom. If only all establishments could be spit shined by my squareschlong... waitaminute. THAT'S IT!"

He ripped his pants and underwear clean off, went to Squidward's house, and jumped through the window.

"Oh SQUIDWARD!" Sponge squeaked.

"Spongebob it's three in the morning!" said Squidward. "And you're naked!"

"Trust me, Squidward. I know what I'm doing," said Spongebab, eying the pajama'd squid up and down for sexual pleasure. He recalled the Bikini Bottom Twerking Incident of '93 and his ravenous rectangle burst from his body in an imposing tower of glory. "I'M READY!" and he gave it a tug, a jerk, a twist, and a squeeze, and all the suds came spilling out onto the floor.

"SPOGNEBBO STOP JERKING OFF IN MY HOUSE THIS INSTANT!"

"Oh I'm done jerking off. Now I'm mopping uP!" said the shitty spongeneighbor, wiping down squidward's floor and getting his soup splooge on Squidward's tight green rectum hole. This angered the Squid, so he took his tentacles and kicked spoongebob out of his window and straight into Patrick's house

"Heya Spongebob!"

"Heya Patrick!"

"Heya Spongebob!"

"Heya Patrick!"

"Heya Spongebob!"

"Heya Patrick!"

"Heya Spongebob!"

"Heya Patrick!"

"Say, Patrick. Your house is looking a bit messy, may I?"

"Sure, but answer me this," said Patrick. "Why are you naked?"

"Oh you," said Spongbeb, taking his squishy manstick into his capable hand, and he gave it a tug, a jerk, a twist, and a squeeze, and all the suds came spilling out onto the floor.

The floor of sand, that absorbed the whole thing.

"Hmm, I'm gonna need more Lovebob Squarejuice," he said, and he gave it a tug, a jerk, a twist, and a squeeze, and all the suds came spilling out onto the floor.

The floor of sand, that absorbed the whole thing again.

"I don't get it," said Patrick.

"Oh, you darn thing!" said Spnge, and he gave it a harder tug, a harder jerk, a harder twist, and a harder squeeze, and all the harder suds came spilling out onto the floor harder.

The floor of sand, that absorbed the harder whole thing again.

"I still don't get it," said Patrick.

"DARN YOU!" said Soppodad, drinking thirty gallons of Dawn Dishsoap. He burped a lone sud out, whipped out his square yellow donger, and he gave it a hardest tug, a hardest jerk, a hardest twist, and a hardest squeeze, and all the hardest suds came spilling out onto the floor hardest.

The floor of sand, that absorbed the hardest whole thing again.

"I stiller don't get it," said Patrick.

"Wait Pat, I have an idea. Come here!" said Spongebob, ushering Pat in to him him the ol' reach around. Patrick grabbed hold of his spongecubes and fondled his spongesac, and while he did that Spongesbobs willied out his willie and he gave it a hardestest tug, a hardestestest jerk, a hardestestestest twist, and a hardestestestestest squeeze, but all the suds did not spill out onto the floor.

"Squeeze my cubes, Patrick. Release is neigh!"

A donkey brays in the background.

"I'm squeezing as hard as I can. They feel like they taste good."

"That's it, Patrick! Lick lick lick my cubes!" said Spongebob, and Patrick put ol' sponge's cube sac in his mouth and sucked. He sucked sucked sucked and sucked sucked sucked, while Spongy jerked jerked jerked jerked jerked jerked jerked jerked jerked jerked jerked jerked jerked jerked jerked jerked jerked jerked jerked jerked jerked jerked jerked jerked jerked jerked jerked jerked jerked jerked jerked jerked jerked jerked jerked jerked jerked jerked jerked jerked jerked jerked jerked jerked jerked jerked jerked jerked jerked jerked jerked jerked jerked jerked jerked jerked jerked jerked jerked jerked jerked jerked jerked jerked jerked jerked jerked jerked jerked jerked jerked jerked jerked jerked jerked jerked and JERRRRRRRKED IT SO DESPERATELY HARD until FINALLY!

"That's it, Patrick! I'm sudding! Oh, I'm sudding!" said Spongebab, blowing the roof off of Patrick's rock as he came with gale force winds. So many suds erupted out of his polygon that a massive wave of white flooded Bikini Bottom. One guy shouted "my leg!" and everyone else screamed and ran away from burning buildings panicking, in vain, for the deadly suds of Armageddon filled the underwater city with the fresh scent of Dawn Dishsoap. Boats sank, babies drowned, a lone television bobbed along in the suds, reporting the tragic incident until the news reporter, too, drowned in spongecum.

Eventually the entire Pacific Ocean was white and bubbly, impregnating everything that lived underwater, and killing everything else. Soongebob floated down slowly into his white and bubbly world, while Patrick clapped and laughed and cheered for spongebob.

"HAHAHAHAHA! Do it again!"

Meanwhile, Squidward was trying to rinse spongejizz out of his eyeballs to no avail, for the drinking water, as well as the toilet water, am now become splooge bob, the impregnator of worlds.

The End


End file.
